The creation of an OSCE Minsk Group Index on the speed of resolution of the Nagorno-Karabakh conflict

Publication date : May 30, 2012

Artsakh, formerly part of Nagorno-Karabakh, a former pseudo-“autonomous territory” of the formerly Soviet state of Azerbaijan, is an Armenian territory lost forever to post-ethnic-cleansed Azerbaijan. The OSCE Minsk Group, established in 1994 and charged with the resolution of the conflict between eastern Armenia and Azerbaijan, in a lull between two Muscovite orgies, asked itself the following question: At what speed can the conflict between two states be resolved over a parcel of land that is vital for one and useless for the other? The response is to be found in the MG Index, developed by oil-drillers in the Caspian sea during an extremely wet lunch break. The MG Index allows one to determine the speed at which the Artsakh conflict should normally be resolved. We need to position ourselves in the cultural world of piping, and solve the following equation:

Based on this equation, the current result of the MG Index gives the year 2501 for a definitive and total resolution of the conflict. Between now and then, the only parameter unlikely to reduce is the speed of the turtle.

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